Dill Fickle 2...Electric Booglaloo

This woman asks me about a sewing machine I had on Etsy. She says:

Hi! I'm interested in purchasing this machine, but was curious as to whether it had been in a smoking home or smelled of smoke. If you could let me know, I would greatly appreciate it. Otherwise, it looks beautiful. :)

I reply:

No smoking in this home and it's been in my possession for at least 15 years :)

She replies:

Okay. Also, I wanted to mention that my zip code would be -----. The shipping mentions that it's $37, but I know in the listing you said that it would be less for the East Coast. I'm definitely interested in purchasing.

I reply:

 If I ship via FedEx, the shipping cost would be $21.21. Via USPS, the cost is $32.00 to your zip code.

Just to let you know, FedEx cannot deliver to a Post Office box. All other addresses seem to be okay. Let me know which you prefer, and I can either edit the listing to show the shipping you choose or I can refund you the extra money after purchase.

She replies:

 If you could ship it FedEx, that would be great! I can purchase it now and have you refund me the extra. Whatever adjustments you need to make for packing, etc. are fine. Thanks so much!

She buys it, pays for it and then immediately cancels and says:

 I would like to cancel my order #---------, placed on Aug 7, 2014.

I apologize for the inconvenience and look forward to hearing back from you soon. After researching this machine further and taking a closer look at the machine that you have offered for sale, I have strong concerns with regard to the electrical cords and foot pedal. The foot pedal is completely different than I am seeing as would have been original to the machine. I'm very sorry that I didn't take a closer look at this sooner, and very sorry for any inconvenience this may have caused.

Thanks,

Oh no, no inconvenience. I only wasted my time looking the shipping up for your ass, and replying to you when I could have been doing something else that would have made me money rather than costing me another .20 fee to re-list what you "bought". The fucking cords on the damned thing are original. And anyway, if you're planning on using the machine and not just displaying it, then who cares what the fucking pedal and cord look like as long as they work? Fucking ridiculous.

Cancellations like this are my biggest beef with Etsy. They should offer a relisting fee refund for when you encounter a fickle buyer.

In A Hurry? Go To A Local Store.

I smell a possible asshole speed bump ahead. It's no surprise to me that the buyer is a "cabbage patch person". Bidder wins item mid-day after I've left the house with the previous days packages. He contacts me 6:11 at night asking when I am going to upload tracking and mail what he bought.

Oh joy. 1 day handling means 1 fuckin' day, not 1 fuckin' hour. Jesus. I think people don't stop and think that there is another average normal person at the other end of these transactions, not some giant shipping company or bloated box store like Wally World.

I think some people must think that ebay sellers have one of those factories like you see on those old cartoons where the item just spits out. It then pops itself into a box, and the mailman is on 24 hour notice, parked right outside waiting to pick it up and run to his Lear jet to fly it to your fuckin' doorstep that same hour.

Charley was like: "That guy can't wait much longer to have tea with his doll so you'd better hurry up and send them"

Things Not To Do

There are a couple of things I've learned not to do in my past year of running a stealth account on ebay that I see people doing all the time and then complaining about.

They call CS and then bitch about how nothing was done. Are you really surprised by this, people?

Don't call Customer Service. All this will do is shine a laser pointer on your account. You will get a Peggy reading a canned response with an accent you do not understand, nothing will get removed or fixed. Then MC999 - Bye bye account.

They cancel transactions, then bitch when they get a defect. Don't pay attention to anything ebay sends you saying this or that won't happen if you do this...it WILL. Don't do it!

When you encounter an idiot who "accidentally" bids on something, don't fuckin' cancel the transaction. You WILL get a defect. Be polite and ass-kissy to the "buyer" and then eat it. Is that lousy buck you're out of via fees worth canning your account over? I didn't think so.

Carrot Jumper

I saw this quote on ecommercebytes blog comments and find it amusing that Top Rated Sellers are generalized as "carrot jumpers".

Yep our 5 business days shipping looks better and better each day. But of course you can't be a carrot jumper and do the 5 day thing.

I am no carrot jumper. I didn't put down 1 day handling until after I had already attained TRS. After I did, I said why not try to get a discount? I never strived for Top-Rated at all, it was just a result of how I do business. If the money is in my hands/account then why keep the stuff lying around here? Especially with 4 cats, a clumsy college student, and a 5 year old. Too much breakage/damage risk.

If you have the resources to pack and ship the item, then why sit around on it for days? It makes you look bad. Why not just ship it?

I have shipped within 24 hours during very difficult emotional times. I've shipped when my car was broken down - I packed a large tote bag and filled the basket under my sons stroller and walked to the post office.

There was a time about 3 years ago that I had no printer, my car was malfunctioning, I was so poor that I could not afford a .89 convenience store drink and had to wait for the paypal to hit my bank account to ship, and only then would I have needed a 5 day handling policy. It still probably would not have prevented the "Pokemon Master" from getting my account restricted because he didn't bother reading my terms anyway, he would have had to click a link, lol.

I don't drink the "kool aid" but I've got to ask what the people who are complaining about handling time defects are doing to earn them. As long as I've got the ink, my postage is always printed within hours of a purchase, and then scanned in within 1 business day thereafter. I don't dump my paypal account until everything from one particular batch is shipped, that way I know everything is paid for, and I am withdrawing the net amount. My dashboard says:

99.28% of your transactions had tracking uploaded within handling time and validated by carrier

The reason it is not 100% is because there was a set of plates I waited 2 days to print the shipping out on. I wasn't going to know the weight until I completely packed them, and because Job Lot was out of medium boxes, I wasted a day.

I've got to say that a printer is one of the best business tools there is when you sell online. Mine was given to me by my ex-husband. It came free with a computer he bought. But...there are some that are fairly cheap to buy, just have to price replacement cartridge prices before you do. The particular one I use, I buy one $15 cartridge of black ink a month and it saves me all kinds of shipping time defect headaches.

The Perfect Analogy

eBay is always bragging about all the cutting edge technology they have in place to prevent fraud. Yet this guy was able to sell $200,000 worth of nonexistent electronics and eBay stood around with their corporate thumb up its *** without a clue. They religiously hold payments and force limitations on old ladies selling cracked teacups & used baby clothes and old men selling fishing tackle and let the real criminals slip through the net every time.

Where was all their so called cutting edge technology when this guy was committing grand larceny and fraud? Probably swooping down on some poor schmuck for selling an old bird's nest. Of course when the San Jose spin department finishes with it, the official version will be trumpeting how eBay and law enforcement cracked this case. The only way eBay cooperates with the cops is when they show up at the front entrance with a writ in their hand.

This was written in response to an article about a seller who was selling non-existent electronic articles and scamming on ebay. It is the perfect analogy of what ebay really does do...cracks down on an innocent while a real criminal gets away with grand larceny and repeat fraud. 

Angry Ebay Seller

I looked up "angry ebay sellers" and Surprise! halfway down the page, there was a pony-person whining after she bought what I like to call the "blurry picture lot" In this case it was "one tiny phone camera photo"...but basically, the same thing.

Unless you want disappointment you cheapass, don't fuckin' bid on auctions with tiny/blurry pics!!!! This person took a chance on a crappy picture and probably left low ("I felt I was being more than generous with my feedback") DSRs, IE, a "soft positive", jeopardizing the seller's account. Hence, why the seller was probably angry.

How she should have handled it in these days of DSRs ruining seller accounts is...Contact seller. Choose "other". Express disappointment. Receive refund/compensation. Don't leave feedback.

Of course she got tons of emotional support from fellow "ponies". Poor cheapass.

"great playable condition" means what it means, give them to a kid to play with, because they're too fucked up for a collection unless you want to work on them. A couple of pony-people sniffed that they'd never let their kids play with a pony with rust inside or haircuts. Kids do that sort of thing to them in the first place. Why do you think they're fucked up to begin with? Because they were in playable condition. LOL.

Dealing with angry Ebay seller?

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Hey all,

I'm in a bit of a pickle as I received a bundle of ponies I won on UK Ebay the other day which were described as "great playable condition" with a warning that a couple had hair cuts. The ponies were G1 Gusty and Dazzle Glow, G3 Periwinkle, a McDonalds G3 and a fakie. There was one tiny phone camera photo on the listing and it was stated they'd been sterilised in Milton solution, so I gathered they'd been childhood toys being sold on by a non-collector.

From the photo, they didn't look bad. I figured they had a little snip at the ends of their manes and that was that.

I was in for a rotten shock...

They arrived on Saturday and I excitedly opened them up - I've been hunting for Dazzle Glow for a while - but to my horror, five of the nastiest looking ponies I've ever had the misfortune to buy fell out of the parcel.

Gusty had no red stripe in her mane left, and had a crew cut (obviously the photo was so bad it looked like it was flipped over the other side of her neck) as well as a tiny stub of a tail which was orange with rust. She rattled, and is covered top to toe in pindot. She's been drawn on with felt tip and biro.

Dazzle Glow had her mane cut about halfway up and had a stub for a tail which was also orange. The rust patch was clearly visible through her translucent body and spread across from her flank down her legs. She also has suffered pen and biro marks.

Periwinkle was filthy with dirt and had green ink marks on her face as well as having a cut tail and mane (although nowhere near as severe as the other two).

The fakie is covered in marker and the McDs pony simply had cloudy hair.

I considered opening a case but decided it wasn't worth it as the seller is clearly just someone clearing out, so to let other collectors know, I just put a positive feedback saying that they were quick to post but the ponies weren't quite the great playable condition described (pen marks) - I couldn't fit in rust.

Today I log into my Ebay account to find a really aggressive message from the seller being sarcastic about my "negative" feedback and telling me to return the ponies for a refund because they had "20 watchers who all wanted to buy them and hadn't been able to bid and they've asked what others were available". I'm really quite upset about this as I felt I was being more than generous with my feedback.

I've written a message back saying I wrote the feedback to let other collectors know (as I'm guessing the other 20 were probably collectors), and that they may not realise about the rust issues and pen marks being a big problem, but I feel like they're going to carry this on regardless and I don't want to patronise them as they're already so angry at me.

Sending the ponies back is not an option for me as I've already begun the painstaking task of restoring three of them.

I'm so done buying ponies on Ebay. 

It's Deadbeat Month!

July appears to be "Deadbeat Month" on the evilbay. I have listed this doll 3 fuckin' times. First time didn't sell. I relisted. Second time it "sold" to a person who told me:

Hi, not sure what happened but I got an outbid notice on this doll from eBay so I purchased another one to take it's place.

Yep. Bought another similar doll immediately right at the same time you got "outbid" uh-huh.

But whatever. Since you now get a fuckin' defect when you cancel a transaction, I decided not to press the issue. I turned off unpaid and let it go. I relist the same fuckin' doll again. Sold(?) Nope. 8 feedback bidder with only selling feedback...outbids someone else who might have actually paid for the friggen thing, and never pays. eBay opens unpaid item case, scheduled to be be done with tonight. Never did get paid, and this stupid doll is tied up until the case ends.

Last week...sold a doll. 4 days pass. Meanwhile I watch as said bidder gets glowing feedback from various sellers each day for fast payment. Unpaid item assistant opens a case. Bidder pays immediately and leaves me this "note":

So sorry payment is late. I have had no internet for three days. Ugh

Yup. No internet for 3 days but somehow you kept on buying and paying for shit...uh-huh.

How much you want to bet that this person will suddenly find something "wrong" with said doll and whine about a refund because she got "forced" into paying?

Also sold a pin and a pair of shoes...been over 24 hours and haven't heard from either bidder, doubt I will either.

Got a doll ending tonight with a 0 feedback ID as high bidder right now that just registered today. Not getting paid. Can smell what the Rock is cookin'...you piece of 0 feedback monkey crap...LOL.