How To Ship a "Baby"

Dolls sell really well. I don't know why this is, but they do.

If clocks weren't so damned hard to pack, I'd sell more of those, because at least clock collectors seem to be mentally stable most of the time.

I find that certain groups of doll people are batshit crazy. Lee Middleton and Cabbage Patch Kids soft sculpture people are especially nuts.

I had this lovey dovey God Bless You type ask about a doll. I photographed its hair for her when she asked (she signed off with Bless you!).

When she won it, also, cutesy note signed "Bless you". All lovey dovey and shit. When she got that fucker though, all bets were off...it was more like FUCK YOU. Quasi-negative left for me, "carelessly packed" but the doll was "beautiful"

I had committed the cardinal sin of not treating the doll as if it were a human baby. I put it in a "trash bag" (was a grocery bag) and admit I did cram it in the box rather tightly, but since I was charging an $8 flat rate to ship a 5 pound doll anywhere, I rather had to.

Doll sellers rejoice! I've got great news. I've created a tutorial for shipping Lee Middleton "babies" correctly. There will be no more confusion or 1-3 low star ratings for you if you follow this to the letter.

Grab whatever one of these that sold.

You swaddle it. There are You Tube videos to help you in case you don't know how.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Slw6NfLiX6U

The finished product should look like this:

Once you've swaddled it, you can never EVER put it in a bag. It's a "baby", remember?

Since a box is inhumane to "baby", you now book a flight. You can use any airline, Expedia might be a good way. Make sure you book a flight nanny, after all, it's a "baby", not a plastic and cloth inanimate object shaped like a human.

Once you've booked the flight, you bring it to the airport personally. You would not want "baby" alone at the airport, would you?

Make sure the little bastard has an in-flight movie to watch or the buyer might find out and accuse you of doll abuse.

Once at the airport, an Uber driver is on hand to pick-up and then hand-deliver "baby" to the buyer.

This way the "baby" never ever has to be squished in a cardboard box with no air holes, and you get the 4 star feedback (not 5, because you didn't swaddle it right, you fucking asshole GOD BLESS YOU!) you so richly deserve. All this should only cost $500 or so, which is a bargain. Make sure you don't charge the buyer full-price though or they'll feel ripped off and leave you a low star. $8.90 seems reasonable.

Another creepy video, in case the first one wasn't creepy enough...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhEFmEhzzmQ