Calvin k-LIE-n

 I have this dumb sweater I am obsessed with. I bought the first version of it at a thrift store for $1.00. It's a nice wool Calvin Klein brand. So anyway, I collect this same sweater in different colors. I realize that I am a weirdo, yes.

I have it in green, black, and grey. I saw one for sale in my same state and it was new with tags. It was a little pricey but I did not have this color of it yet. I bought it and the next day the seller gives me the lame excuse that she dropped it in oil in her garage and cancels - giving the reason for cancellation that I asked to cancel. I did not. Not only that, she FUCKING relisted it with no "oil" mentioned in the description. 

As a seller, I have had to cancel before, however, I have told the buyer the REAL reason for cancelling - broken, lost, and then taken the hit by saying "out of stock" because that shit's on ME. I have also not gone on to relist any of the things. 

So, against my code, which is to defend sellers to the death, I went and fucking reported her to ebay for the false cancellation. I ain't taking the hit on my buyer account that I am a flake, because I am not. Don't sell me some line of bullshit and then make it look like it's on me. And that's my Ted Talk for today.

Fuckin Hello Kitty and Other Musings

 I "sold" a purse we've had sitting around for years. I looked it up and saw that the last two had sold north of $500. I need money - sooooo I listed it. I used the auction feature because I needed the money sooner rather than later and an auction will speed things along - provided the fucker who wins, pays on time.

There were 2 bidders at first. The bidding behavior of the 0 feedback bidder threw red flags and left a bad taste in my mouth. Each time the other bidder would bid, this one would counter, every time and almost immediately. So of course she won - of course she did.

Within minutes of the auction end: 

Would it be possible if I pay the bid next week when I get paid if that’s ok with you? :)

Uh, no. 

I felt like writing the GREAT AMERICAN NOVEL soliloquy to her: 

"Why did you not ask this 5 FUCKING DAYS AGO?"

"I listed this fuckin thing right NOW, because I have a bill due right NOW" 

"If your boss asked you if you were okay waiting an extra week to get paid, would you think that is acceptable?" 

and then finally: 

"If you walk into any store brick and mortar or online and ask them to hold something for you for a week, do you think they would?"

Instead, I remained silent and planned to cancel after 4 days, and let that do the speaking for me. I did that. But not before I got a weird message from someone else:

"Hii if the buyer never buys this bag can I purchase it for $200"

Uh, no. Sure, Jan. What makes you think I would turn around and take a nearly $200 hit? 

This person was either a dumbass, or the buyer pulling a stunt thinking that maybe if she didn't pay, then I would turn around in desperation and sell it to her for that...lol. 

In any case, I blocked both the "buyer" and the weirdo mystery offerer, cancelled at the stroke of midnight on the 4th day, relisted, and raised the price nearly $100 (I call it the stupid tax) and now I am requiring immediate payment to circumvent further stupidity. Since I had to borrow money to pay the bill - and now it's paid, there is no more urgency to sell right away so now I can let the fucker sit until it sells for what it should. 

Joo-Lee The Girl Of my Fuckin Dreams

The rule of thumb holds that once an item becomes a problem, it's always a problem...I bought a lot of dolls at a toy auction in December. There were 7. 

As a side note, one of the dolls was named "Julie" I hate this name because it is the nickname of the girl my husband tried to run off with. I knew this fucker would be trouble.

As I am packing the doll, I notice her right eye is a little winky - the eye won't close immediately upon being laid down - you had to shake her. It was 4 days before Christmas so I did not want any delays and took my chances. Bad idea. 

"I am sorry, but this is a deal breaker" says the buyer - on Christmas Eve. The doll takes forever to return, so meanwhile I have to make sure that $40 stays available, which sucks at this time of year. I finally get the bitch back, refund, watch a You Tube video, pop out the eye, realize that there is a tiny bar that holds the eye straight that has broken off. I drill the eye, pop a hairbrush bristle into the hole where it broke off and pop it back in. Eye was fixed in basically 10 minutes.

I relist and then get two shitty lowball offers. As I was rejecting them, I realize that I forgot to mention a ghostly pale ink mark on the doll's lower jaw. I revise.

Item Description:

"Julie. Hair is in good shape. Clean and in good shape with tight limbs. Comes from a non smoking home. Eyes open and close as they should. Has a faded spot of ink underneath her left cheek near her chin. She is a newer version. No clothing."

This morning's dumb question:

 Hi! Do you have the cute jeans and peace sign shirt and yellow vest too with this doll? Thanks!

The doll's title says "Ready to Dress". The doll is pictured naked. The description says "No clothing". 

Lady, what the fuck. 

I answer straight up - "No".

I look at the feedback, there is none. Given the stupidity of the question and the no feedback, I block. I am sure this is not the end...The end.