Hot Live Euro Trash

Worded like this, it sounds more pleasant, like maybe the title of a porno, right? The truth is a bit more sober.

A friend of mine came across a large lot of collector plates and old dolls. Said friend asked me to sell them for him, because he knows these things fell within my wheelhouse of expertise and he knew I'd bleed every last dollar out of them. He bought all these things for $90 total. I sold things for close to $1200...or so I thought. First, I got a psycho bitching about a shoe on a Barbie outfit:

Hi

I received your package
today and I am disappointed.
The dress is very worn at
the bust and is not as blue
as your picture.
Also the other shoe is marked
Hong Kong. This means that
It does not go with this .
I Bought this because I
thought it was a complete
set. ( I had an extra correct
black shoe). I now have to
purchase a pair of black
shoes. I can not return this
because I bought it for my
daughter's upcoming birthday. ( This Wednesday)

Please advise.

Total bullshit. The dress I sent out was nearly mint condition. Dark blue with no holes. I did not examine the shoes closely enough to see what country they were made in because I didn't know how anal-retentive Barbie collectors are. I also loved the "I cannot return this" schtick. Okay lady, you paid $9.50 total WITH the shipping included, meaning you paid like $7. What the fuck do you want? I just said fuck it and refunded her to shut her up already...after I did she said to me she only wanted $5...$5/$7 it's all the same fuckin' thing Jesus. I am out of money no matter what.

Then I send out plates. They were $148 and change. German bidder receives them and then 24 hours later opens a case with no warning, claiming "not as described" because two got damaged in transit. $200+ gets frozen in paypal. I had recently sold a belt for around $50 and since have sold a vase and some toys and my account is still negative. I cannot print shipping from ebay, nor send instant payments or refunds.

Of course this whole thing is MY fault...I obviously run the postal service for both the US and Germany you know. And to top it all off with the proverbial cherry, the asshole opens the case on ebay.de, which would totally screw over your normal everyday American seller because it's in German...this asshole hadn't counted on me being able to read it. But you see, I can.

I used to collect My Little Pony, and I had a lovely German friend who made trades with me frequently and I used to scan ebay.de for rare euro ponies, did a LOT of business there, and have taken a German language course because of those trades and purchases. I did have to use a translator for some stuff because I am rusty.

I respond to him in fluent German via his paypal e-mail address. Bet that shocked his ass...Guten Tag, asshole! (I didn't really say that, but I thought about it, lol) "I wish you had contacted me before opening a case. Please send back the plates for full refund"

He says no, he wants to keep them AND get 100%  refund.

I respond with how about 50% back since two are okay, plus shipping, and you keep them? He says nope, he wants like 85% and shipping.

I say then, how about sending back two undamaged plates and I refund 50% plus shipping? Nope, not having that either. So I stopped all communication with him and now have just left the case standing open 10 days later.

THEN my lovely Italian nutjob starts shit with me.

Hi, the doll is arrived but i noticed that: she has one leg evidently shorter than the other but you didn't that in the description.
Moreover, the other ear has slight green, other thing that you didn't told me...why?

Same day, like 10 minutes later (she likes to bomb with a flurry of messages like 2 or 3 in the space of 15 minutes):

 Hi, summing:
- the doll has one leg shorter than the other
- slight green on the other ear
- the booklet has two pages ripped in the center

Why didn't you tell those things in the description?
Anyway, i was going to put a neutral feedback. If you do not want me to do that, we can reach a compromise: a partial refund.
Let me know.

So she's going extort me now. Special.

My response:

 I took pictures of any ear green I saw, and took pictures of both her legs which were posted on the auction.
I did not notice any difference in the length of the legs.

The booklet was not ripped on any pages when I packed it! I have heard that customs agents can be rough on items. How much of a partial refund do you want?

Her:  

 They are so clearly different....
Also, the left arm is loose when you move it.
I've been collecting dolls for years and this is a real disappointment.
Anyway, i payed 102 USD, without counting the shipment costs obviously, so I'd like to have a 41 USD refund.

Me:

 I have sent the refund, but because it was sent from my bank account, it will take a few days to clear. Please check your paypal account.

Her (like two days later) :

 Hi, the refund has not arrived yet.
Anyway, i found various flaws and holes on the doll's left arm...

By this time I am getting more and more livid, because either she is the most nitpicky bitch on earth, or she's just an extortionist. I report her to ebay for feedback extortion and reply one more time:

 Every time you message me you seem to have a new problem...please just send the doll back to me for a full refund.

I am done with partial refunds. I already sent $41 and it is still processing. It takes 3-5 business days. Please check your paypal account and you will see that a refund is pending.

You can clearly see my frustration in this not-so-professional response, but how much bullshit is a person supposed to put up with? I already refunded her nearly half!  She now has her refund and has not left feedback yet...I am sure it will be a low-star or neg/neut beauty. This whole exchange makes me rethink working with Europeans on anything, but two bad nuts should not ruin it for everyone else, and cut me off from a whole pool of buyers so fuck 'em, moving on.

Most disappointing thing about all this BS is that it wasn't even my stuff again! A couple of years ago I got burned twice with my mother-in-law's plates, negged and lost $80 because of a shipping label snafu, and now I am out over $100 and have a defect because I sold somebody elses shit. From now on I will only sell my own shit and only for over $10. Not fucking worth it.