Clock Stalker

I waited a week to relist this dumb ass clock because I was trying to avoid my nutcase clock stalker. I get a message tonight and just know it is from him...he didn't disappoint.

In the message he bitches and moans about why is he blocked from bidding? I mull over telling him I think he's loony, and "Hey, I thought you could not wait 6 more days?" but I don't want to stoke his flames of weirdness. Trying to decide whether to play dumb and pretend like I didn't block his ass, or just ignore him totally.

I originally blocked him because he could not be bothered to read a description, I didn't think this was going to be an ongoing epic thing, lol.

Nutbush

This last clock I tried to sell, has been a pain in the arsehole in a big way. It attracts more idiots than a Lee Middleton doll, and that's saying something.

First:

Is this a working clock?

My description:

Vintage wooden mantel clock.

Case is in good shape, some tape residue on back near the door, but I was able to remove most with goo gone. Movement runs nicely. Has key and pendulum bob.

Face has a slight bit of wear to the silvering in the very middle (can be seen in pic), all numerals are present, hands are present. Glass is good. Chimes on the hour and half hour. Measures 20" x 9" x 5 3/4".

I reply to him:

"Movement runs nicely is pretty self-explanatory"

And then, because he could not be bothered to read one line out of a 5 line description, and those people always become trouble, I block him.

Next day I get this question about the same fucking clock. You can clearly see in the pictures that the fucker has no cord and two keyholes on front. Christ on a cracker!

  Does it plug in? Does it run on batteries? Can you turn the chime off? Is the chime loud?

I block that dumb bitch too. But not before I answer her stupid question and post it so that it will show in the bottom of the description so that people can see the stupidity I am forced to deal with.

Clock ends with no bidders (and no, I don't care that I may have blocked them, because these two are a special kind of stupid).

The guy immediately messages me all huffy:

And I really cannot wait 6 more days to try to buy it again

and then:

I was trying to bid on this it said seller decided not to sell it ?what's up with that

and then:

          If you decide you want to sell it can you put a buy it now price 

 

I can see from his feedback that all does is re-sell clocks, so I really don't give a fuck whether he can wait 6 days or not. He's competition, and he's an obnoxious fucktard so he can go fuck himself for all I care.

 

 

Guiding Light

My online sales soap opera continues. First was another Etsy time-waster. She first asked if I would knock a few bucks off the price and free shipping. That was a no.

Then I got this:

would you do 12.+ shipping for Black Friday?

I agree. I edit the listing to $10 and change the title to HOLD FOR. This was the 24th of November. I haven't heard from her since...

Then today on ebay I get this message from an ass who has already bid on the damned thing.

Does the dress have it's label? Do both the shoes have the knobs intact and the loops that go over the knobs not broken? Do the shoes or dress have any stains, rips or problems? Thank you for your consideration.
Sincerely,

Charley was like "Block her, block her NOW" I check her nitpicky feedback left for others, and then I do, but not before I see that she has already bid...fuck me. God, I hope she gets outbid.

As Ebay Turns...

This week on ebay...I had several deadbeats, as usual.

One of the deadbeats waited until the unpaid item case had almost closed on him. His feedback indicated that he seems to mostly bid on sportscards and sports-related crap. He bought an antique clock from me for $200+, which was rather odd...this put me on high alert.

I wrapped it in 3 layers of bubble wrap, I had 4 inches of peanuts around each edge. I reinforced the box corners. I insured the fuck out of that thing. I also shelled out an extra $20 for priority mail (he chose parcel).

I mailed the thing and waited for the inevitable "something is wrong" BS.

Ebay never disappoints. My message:

I received the mantle clock today.
Upon opening, I noticed that one of the front lion's foot has broken off and I could not find the piece in the package or box.
Your auction picture showed both front feet to be intact.
The broken section I observed looked to be new.
Please advise.
Thanks.

I like the accusatory "Your auction picture showed both front feet to be intact" so that he can accuse me of item not as described or something. Sure, asshole. I removed one foot from the front of the clock before mailing it. Makes a lot of sense. If it was broken in transit, the piece should be IN THE FUCKING BOX. It was held in with 2 screws also, so if they were kicking that box around and managed to remove a foot, there should have been way more damage.

I told him that when mailed, the clock had 4 feet. Then I sent another message and I asked for a picture, and informed him that I don't issue refunds unless the item is returned. I haven't heard from him since. This was 2 days ago.  No message, no case, no pictures. I am sure he is at the drawing board thinking of a new way to get a discount as I write.

Second deadbeat was almost amusing...I am not sure if what was written was true, or just the lamest excuse someone has bothered to dream up in a long time...

Message:

Good evening
My name is ______ and I am the husband of _______. She has purchased an item from you a few days ago. She recently was physically hurt and had her belongings taken. We had to cancel all and are waiting for new cards to come in which should be sometime this week. We apologize for the delay this has never happened to her before and she is pretty shakenrd up. We will keep you informed and pay the statement as soon as we receive new cards for new account. Thank you

If I got mugged, the last thing I would worry about was an ebay bid I had made.  If I was conscious, I would type the fucking e-mail myself. But I am not a delicate flower. I do my own business no matter what...deaths, illnesses, no car, you name it. I didn't know how to respond, so I did not. I just let the case close and blocked her as I do with all non-payers/scammers/weirdos.

Third Weird/Annoying thing. Message on Etsy. This is about a $14.00 hat with $7.00 shipping.

would you take 12. with shipping ??

I reply:

 It depends on your zip code. If you are anywhere west of the Mississippi, then it would cost almost as much to send it as the hat cost.

She's in Colorado, but apparently holds out hope because she sent me her zip code. Shipping is $7-$10, depending on how much weight the box will add.  No thanks. I am not taking $2.00-$5.00 for a vintage, rather expensive french hat. I cringed at charging $14.00! I felt like answering her and telling her that it isn't ebay...No "Best Offer" thank you very much.

Fearless

This was on the sidebar of my Facebook feed. Yeah. Purchase protection. The Post Office, FedEx, UPS or even you bust your shit, Paypal will be very happy to reach right into a seller's account and give you their money...oops, I mean your money back. After all, the seller had to have been the one at fault when you yanked that planter with the described hairline cracks out the wrong way and broke it, right?

Who cares if they are out an item and now money because of someone else mishandling things. They like being cold and not eating.

Frostbite

Ebay is never an easy road to hoe (Or as some message board regulars would have punned..."Ho").

This week I "made" about $500. I owe the town $150 for my water bill, and I am just about out of fuel oil, which right now is about a $200 minimum. It was about 30 degrees this morning, meaning I had better get some anti freeze into the Honda, stat. I don't know how much that will run me, but anything mechanical isn't cheap. I won't do it at home because I have 4 cats.

So...even though I've got $500 sitting here...I cannot touch it. Some buyer might have a problem with something next week and complain, and if the money is already spent, then I cannot refund the whiner(s).

I could and probably would throw up the "case smokescreen" in which I demand the item back so that paypal won't refund them for a week while it is enroute and I burn up the insurance lines and scramble to recoup, but that usually takes two weeks. My water would be shut off and my oil tank empty by then.

So I am splitting hairs again this week...in order to "save" $200, I am going to go to the gas pump and buy a smaller amount of diesel and just pay the frigging water bill, and pray that the two large delicate things that just got sent to California (of course...you think anything small, light, and unbreakable ever gets bid on by a west coast person?) get there in one piece and that the buyers aren't nitpicky assholes. The fucking bedspread is only going across the state, and a smaller less-expensive doll is going down the coast to NC...*headdesk*

Deadbeat Buyer Time Again

It's that time again...$260 worth of sales...One buyer sent me this right after the auction:

hi...I won this and will make payment on Thursday morning when I get my pay check....thank you :

This was Sunday. Nice of you to let me know this before you bid, Miss Self-Entitled. Ugh.
EDIT 11/17/2015:
She made good on her promise to pay on Thursday.

Then my case-in-point about sellers being able to leave negatives. This asshole bid on two clocks...he has only 15 feedback, and this is his POSITIVE feedback from five sellers (because we cannot leave anything but):

 Buyer does not pay.

 Sellers beware! Does not pay or communicate.

 NON PAYING!! Do NOT do business with this buyer!

 BEWARE THIS BUYER!!! HE RUINS AUCTIONS BY "PURCHASING" THEN NEVER COMMUNICATING

 Tried to contact buyer about payment after sale no response

EDIT 11/17/2015:
He now has 34 "positive" feedback, but 32 of them are exactly like the above mentioned. So he bids and pays here and there when he feels like it, and just ignores all the shitty feedback.

True to form, he paid for the less expensive clock, and left me hanging with the other one. I guess there goes 13 days of my life while I wait for him to not pay, wait for the unpaid item assistant process, and then wait another 5 days for the auction to end again. Thanks for wasting half a month, asshole. He's going straight to the block list.

3rd buyer bought another clock. She has 2 feedback, I haven't heard from her, and I do believe the unpaid item assistant will kick in tomorrow.
EDIT 11/17/2015: On the very last day before the UPI was about to close...she paid. It was delivered, and I haven't heard from her since.

For the love of God, people! If you don't intend on paying...PLEASE don't fucking bid!

EDIT 11/17/15:
So I got $160 out of the $260, albeit late. Something is better than nothing.

The Collector

I got this message this morning. This chick has 1353 feedback already. She does know that buyers can only receive positives, so it doesn't really mean anything, right?

On August 31 I purchased a doll from you. She is gorgeous and I am very satisfied but could you please leave fb for me. I would really appreciate it. Thank you,-------

For the love of God why do you give a shit if I leave you feedback? I leave it in batches, about once a month because I find it bothersome, really...you'll get your feedback when everyone else does, Miss Special.

Fed Up

I have never had so many shipping problems as I have had in the past two years...from 1999 to 2013 I had a glass bowl from a Sunbeam mixer break in about 2000/2001 and the plastic case to a sewing machine break in 2012.

In the past two years the PO and FedEx have managed to bust:

A planter
Parts of two sets of dishes
A wooden sewing machine case
A Clock
A Chandelier
A Limoges plate
There's more but I cannot remember offhand.

The latest 2 transgressions have me boiling in hot oil because I have $900 worth of bills due, I just sold $400 worth of shit, but I have had to refund $200 of it because of the way SOMEONE ELSE handled my stuff! 

Not to mention that I had to wait around two weeks for this last asshole to supposedly "come home"  from somewhere to open the item.

The damned chandelier was delivered on the 24th, but he opened it YESTERDAY. OF COURSE it was broken. I was waiting for this one to come down the pike anyway because of the repeated "Honorable seller" feedback he kept giving...it seems he has an inordinate amount of things happen that wind up needing the seller to be "honorable"...I.E. forking out cash to fix something.

He seems all zen about it, don't worry, I will bring it down if they need me to make the claim on it, I inform him that I have filed a case, and that it would take 5-7 days to resolve, he seems okay with it, and today I suddenly get this:

Understand you went to Fed Ex, and I will keep everything until you or they inform me to
bring it in for inspection, But at this time I feel I should be reimbursed,
Not trying to give you a hard time, bur I only have so much time to protect myself through
EBAY. Just trying to cover all the bases,

Yeah...you had me on ice two weeks while you farted around, but yet now that something has gone wrong, you want your money right fuckin' now, because you "only have so much time" - You have 45 days to make a claim through ebay, and 6 fuckin' months via paypal! It's not my fault you wasted 13 days!

So...now I have to drive to my bank 11 miles away (they closed the branch near my house) and make a deposit so that I can have enough, and then dump my entire bank balance into his paypal account because he went from zen to I don't want to wait 5 more days in the space of a couple of hours.

Thanks for ruining my weekend Colonel Sanders.

Deadbeat Week!

I guess I am ushering in the great month of October by celebrating "Deadbeat Bidder Week" I had a lady buy some dishes, she actually paid, so today is the great pack off - 50+ pieces of glass dishes...fun.

The other two bidders, well, they haven't been heard from since they won...Sorry Caliber, guess you can tack that $300 onto what I already owe you. I had to scramble and move my car insurance payment from the third to the ninth so that I could have breathing room this week.

Also, the fucking chandelier is still in limbo. I have no idea if the guy even unpacked it yet. I am pretty sure that if/when these two other bidders pay, he will suddenly come out of the woodwork with a "problem".

Loading...Please Wait...

Last week I sold a large ass glass chandelier. I wrapped it in several layers of bubble wrap and packed it in a reinforced heavy duty box with the arms secured in styrofoam boxes to keep them from shifting. I wrapped each swag, bobeche, and pendant separately. Then I slipped in an instruction envelope on how to arrange everything.

Chandelier is delivered. Nothing. Not one peep.

Several days later, I get a message saying "I haven't had time to unpack it yet and I am going out of town for a week"

So now I've got to sit here with bated breath, waiting for the yes or no message that will state whether the money is mine or not. I remember the days when you sold something and it was gone, and you could keep the damned money! Granted, I do have insurance and an ability to file, but it would tie up a couple hundred dollars for a week or two and since I've got my mortgage company breathing down my neck to pay my house taxes RIGHT NOW, I've gotta do that....right now, not wait for this guy to jerk me around all week!

Fall Update

I must say that I am stoked about the new Fall Seller Update that ebay has released. Hopefully, what it means is no more being a prisoner to a buyer because of DSRs!

That said, I must say that Aussies appear to be the most polite people on the planet, even more so than Canadians...lol.

I sold a doll a few days back, 2 days after the auction, I get this message:

"Hi, Can you remove postage as I do not want this Posted I am paying for the doll, But you keep it as I made an error after my bid. So would like to pay for the item, but please remove the postage cost. thank you"

Wow. Just wow. Of course, I simply told her to cancel the transaction. There was no need to pay for an item she did not want. She seemed surprised that I was willing to do that. As long as people communicate with me and are polite, I will bend over backwards to accommodate, even to my own detriment feedbackwise.

I had a tooth pulled yesterday. It was a molar, and it was very painful. As soon as I got out of the dentist office, I took a Motrin and finished packing a very large, delicate doll and got to the PO with minutes to spare. I thought to myself "If these people only knew how much effort some sellers put in to make them happy". I sure would have rather followed the dentists instructions to rest for 24 hours.

I have also had a conundrum because in my infinite wisdom, while trying to be a nice seller, I attempted to wash the outfit of another doll I had sold. I had described it as "outfit will need a wash". When I washed the outfit, half the dye came out! I am rather glad this happened to me, because we all know how wacky those doll people can be.

I can picture it now, doll buyer washes outfit...next thing you know, case open, item "not as described" and "Want my money back".

I have now spent two days "fixing" the problem. I dyed it in red food coloring. That was a no-go, washed right out. I dyed it with kool-aid. Same. Used red sharpie on white spots, very obvious. I bleached it...blotches of pink sharpie scribbles on white. Scrubbed it some more with hairspray, faded some. Today I went to the store and got red dye. Dyed it. Splotches. Bleached it again, same. Dyed it again. Splotches.

Went on Google, looked up the particular fabric I was trying to dye. Added vinegar to the dye, boiled it, still light splotching, but not as bad. Dipped it in bleach for 15 minutes. Cohesive solid dark pink about 3 shades darker than the auction photo. I am going to lie like hell and tell them the color was way off on my camera if they question it.

I now have an extensive portfolio of things I can fix due to what I call "DSR Panic".

Small chips on plates that happened after the fact or went unnoticed? Nearly invisible repair.
Hair missing on doll? Thread matching hair through holes on head with an embroidery needle.
Cabbage patch stitching popped? Flesh colored embroidery thread.

Sometimes though, you've just got to own up to a fuck up, like when my cat broke a bowl that was already sold...owned up...partial refund. Like when I lost a Barbie wig I sold on Etsy. Refund. When I sent a doll to Australia that was meant to go to the Carolinas and vice versa. The Aussie kept the doll I sent and was happy. The American, was of course, miffed, and I had to buy the same exact doll from another seller and ship it to her at a loss and also send her a return label for the wrong one she got. C'est la vie.

If I sell a thing on Etsy or Bonanza, chances are, it's been sitting there for a long-ass time and I may have moved it several times due to limited space, and will temporarily "lose" it. Which is why I put down for 2 day shipping...lol

How To Ship a "Baby"

Dolls sell really well. I don't know why this is, but they do.

If clocks weren't so damned hard to pack, I'd sell more of those, because at least clock collectors seem to be mentally stable most of the time.

I find that certain groups of doll people are batshit crazy. Lee Middleton and Cabbage Patch Kids soft sculpture people are especially nuts.

I had this lovey dovey God Bless You type ask about a doll. I photographed its hair for her when she asked (she signed off with Bless you!).

When she won it, also, cutesy note signed "Bless you". All lovey dovey and shit. When she got that fucker though, all bets were off...it was more like FUCK YOU. Quasi-negative left for me, "carelessly packed" but the doll was "beautiful"

I had committed the cardinal sin of not treating the doll as if it were a human baby. I put it in a "trash bag" (was a grocery bag) and admit I did cram it in the box rather tightly, but since I was charging an $8 flat rate to ship a 5 pound doll anywhere, I rather had to.

Doll sellers rejoice! I've got great news. I've created a tutorial for shipping Lee Middleton "babies" correctly. There will be no more confusion or 1-3 low star ratings for you if you follow this to the letter.

Grab whatever one of these that sold.

You swaddle it. There are You Tube videos to help you in case you don't know how.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Slw6NfLiX6U

The finished product should look like this:

Once you've swaddled it, you can never EVER put it in a bag. It's a "baby", remember?

Since a box is inhumane to "baby", you now book a flight. You can use any airline, Expedia might be a good way. Make sure you book a flight nanny, after all, it's a "baby", not a plastic and cloth inanimate object shaped like a human.

Once you've booked the flight, you bring it to the airport personally. You would not want "baby" alone at the airport, would you?

Make sure the little bastard has an in-flight movie to watch or the buyer might find out and accuse you of doll abuse.

Once at the airport, an Uber driver is on hand to pick-up and then hand-deliver "baby" to the buyer.

This way the "baby" never ever has to be squished in a cardboard box with no air holes, and you get the 4 star feedback (not 5, because you didn't swaddle it right, you fucking asshole GOD BLESS YOU!) you so richly deserve. All this should only cost $500 or so, which is a bargain. Make sure you don't charge the buyer full-price though or they'll feel ripped off and leave you a low star. $8.90 seems reasonable.

Another creepy video, in case the first one wasn't creepy enough...https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hhEFmEhzzmQ

Blocking Works

I just wanted to let you know that I tried to bid on the doll and it wouldn't allow me to, saying the seller wasn't accepting bids at this time or something like that.I called Ebay and they basically said to contact the seller .I was willing to pay a lot more than the bid ended in.I thought there must have been some sort of glitch in the bidding process.Do you have any more dolls like that, that you plan on selling.

Oh, it was no glitch, darling. It was me protecting my own carcass from a frivolous case/negative/soft positive.

The First Cut Is The Deepest

Baby yeah. The first victim of Amy's new "I ain't taking this shit" policy has been added to the blocked list.

Are there any scuff marks on the face ? Are there any marks on the cloth body? Does baby smell like smoke?

Undress the 3 layers of clothing on said "baby" and answer the questions.

Get "The feeling" and check feedback left for others. All positive, but nitpicky statements left on said positive feedback...repeatedly. As my daughter would say...Fuck that noise...I copy and paste the name and plop it in my ever-growing blocked bidder list. Won't be dealing with that asshole after-the-fact because now she won't be bidding.


 These were in "feedback left for others" They were all positives:

only used one time so far .It's ok. Have to use more for final opinion

 color not true red like photo. More a rust/wine mix.Not easy to match with

 item was mistakenly listed as a loving family dollhouse piano .Had to return it.

 received in good time. They were a bit soiled ,After washing they were fine.

You KNOW there were low-star DSRs left.

"Feedback left for others" is your friend. If you ever get "the feeling" about a potential buyer (if ebay doesn't decide to fuck sellers over further by blocking seeing it) you should always read it. It can save you some pain.

Carrot Jumping

I am not what you would call a "carrot jumper" I just happen to come by my TRS status by doing business in what I consider the "correct" way.

Be polite, and if people are unhappy with their shit, accept a return and refund or refund their money.

I thought I was not that attached to my discounts, but I was wrong.

Two imbecile buyers took me to a level of pissed off this week that I almost cannot comprehend. Of course, it doesn't help that I am in the middle of health problems that I am a little worried about. I don't divulge this to these buyers, but since the world revolves around them, who cares, right?

First was a pair of lamps. Buyer has them 2 or 3 days, then BAM! case opened. "Socket doesn't work" on one. Since they are only $15, I refund. I sent her a message, since she had only 23 feedback, to Please, contact your seller before opening a case, described what happens to defect rate, etc. Got an apologetic message back and thanks for the FYI. I apologized to her for the shitty lamp and we've moved on. She was a good egg...just inexperienced.

It would figure that the asshole who opened a "return request" on me today (without contacting me first, of course) would be from Massachusetts. She's nasty and rude. This is my home state, and I readily admit that it is the rudest most self-centric place on earth!

Before the auction ended she asked a question with a tone I was not fond of, I was hoping she would not bid and go away. Of course she won the item...of course she did.

Comments:

I asked a question prior to the end of the auction and based on your response I bid. you said I can tell you that all of the colored spools are silk with the exception of one large red heavy duty one. Silk spool count is in the 90 s. . there are a 25 silk thread spools. there are there are at least 57 spools that are cotton (mercerized is cotton thread). Since the silk thread do not number in the 90;s this is not as described. Since the mistake is yours I would like a refund of purchase price plus shipping plus return postage.

Nothing particularly nasty was actually said, but like the tone of her question, the tone of this is shitty and accusatory. You got 120 spools of thread for $42, bitch! That's a bargain no matter what kind of thread it is. My bad for thinking smooth, light, shiny thread was silk. I guess the close-up pics showing 5 and 6 at a time with the magnifying glass feature to help further wasn't enough for you. YOU COULD READ WHAT THE LABEL SAID ON EACH SPOOL! If you knew mercerized thread was cotton then perhaps you should not have bid! From now on, if anybody sends me a question with a tone I don't like, I am blocking them. if they've already bid, I am cancelling it, and then blocking them. 

Epilogue 8/31/15: I relisted the returned thread she won for $34 and sold it to another buyer who bid $104, won, and paid immediately. Been awhile. No complaints from new buyer. One man's trash is another man's treasure...

Wisher Washers

Thought I had a decent sales week because I "sold" 6 or 7 things. First, asshole who bought a sewing machine says (after he WON it) "Does this machine work?  I specified very clearly in the description that it needed a $5 part.

 Motor is strong, and uppers works function fine, bobbin won't pick up because a plastic gear right underneath is gone, believe the gear is called a hook gear.
The gear can be found for $5-$10

 Day after auction:

 Does this machine work?

and 

If this machine doesn't work, I cannot use it... Please let me know if it is not in working order, 

My response:

 I stated in the item description that this machine is missing a gear. It needs a gear in order to work. That's why I had it priced so low.

If you want, you can just not pay, and I will re-list the item at a later date.

Now he won't respond to my cancellation request.

Next 2 assholes bid and won objects that they didn't pay for. Now I have to wait 4 days for them to not pay, and then 5 more after the re-list because...5 days. This 5 day auction BS HAS to stop. They need to drop the price on 3 day auctions again ASAP.

Drunk Measuring

I measure a doll. Doll is 14 inches tall. I list doll. In description I note that doll is indeed 14" tall. Tonight I get this:

is she 14" or 15" ? I thought they came 15" or 17" can you measure again? thanks

Measure again. Yeah. Because measuring again will change the fucking height of the doll.

All Dolled Up And Nowhere To Go

I am familiar with a summertime slump in sales...but I feel like the 5 day thing is sucking all my mojo. I get lukewarm interest, a watcher or 10, and then they forget about the item since it was 3-4 days ago that they decided to watch it, and they're on to another thing that they can purchase sooner.

I have a doll that Theriault's got $250 for not long ago, someone else on ebay has the exact same one in terrible shape for $297. I priced mine at $70 in the hopes of a small bidding war and got watchers. Relisted, more watchers.

I am seriously thinking of amassing a few thousand dollars worth of dolls and sending them to Theriault's again. I might have to wait 3-6 months for the money, and pay 25%, but since I cannot even get 30% of what the item is actually worth on ebay, it's worth it to send it elsewhere.

I had one Bonanza sale and one Etsy sale which took up some of the slack, but it's just not enough.

Sexiest Wire Transfer...EVER

Tonight I get this message in my ebay inbox.

Please leave the feedback Thanks

Dude, you're a fucking buyer. You already have 295 feedback, what are you collecting the shit? It's not like I could leave a negative even if I wanted to. No no. You will get left feedback when I do my bulk feedback leaving that I do when I feel like it since it is a time-consuming process. Ain't no one got time fo' that.

Charley says "Leave them one that says Oh yeah, your money was so good. Sexiest wire transfer ever"

I fuckin' should.

Big Money

Today Bonanza sent me a bill, and half of it was for a bunch of items some asshole put an order in for and never paid.

I sent requisite pissed off support message. Now I wait to see what they'll do...This blog is about ebay in general, but I have more frustrations thrown at me via etsy and Bonanza than I do ebay most times.

In the past several months, I have had a lot of mildly retarded questions about merch on etsy, after I answer, I never hear from these people again.

To answer your question, No, my answers are NEVER worded like my blog. I send polite, professional responses as soon as I see a question.

I also have the "Will you hold this?" and the "Will you combine shipping?" idiots who disappear as soon as they get the answer.

On Bonanza, I have idiots putting $100 worth of shit on hold and paying with an e-check that never clears or putting shit on hold that they don't even check out and pay for.

Right now my only problem on ebay is a self-caused doll switch debacle. For the first time in 16 years of doing business...I mixed up an order. This one was a biggie because Doll A went to South Carolina and Doll B went to Australia. It is going to cost me $90 to rectify the situation and both buyers are going to have to a wait a week or 2 to get their shit...big boo-boo. BIG one, and completely my fault.

Fleamarket Shoppers

I have a new rash of ebay pests. These are not complainers, or whiners. They are lowball after auction offerers. I had 4 auctions end with start prices ranging from $29.99 to $34.99. This guy sends me this, with no title, no item number, so I have no idea what he's offering this for, and if I wanted $19.99 for it, I'd have relisted it for that...

Since bidding has ended, with no offer, I am now offering to buy from you for US$19.99.  Your consideration will be much appreciated. Thank you.

Last night. Again, no title, no auction number.

 hi how are you..? I am willing to pay 5.00 $

My response (rather snippy):

I do not know what item you are talking about, and what I have listed for the price is the price. $5 won't cut it for anything I have listed.

He finally got back to me and said it was for some feathers. Frig that, dude. I can package them with some crochet lace and other feathers I have and sell them as a millinery lot for more than I had them listed in the first place as fly tying supplies. It's all in the presentation.

Did my auction say Best Offer? no it did NOT. If I wanted to give my shit away I'd just go to the damned fleamarket.

This weeks winner is....

Potential Etsy buyer, E.

Question:

what size is this plate?

Item title:

 Vintage German Cabbage Roses 6" Cabinet Plate

That happened.

Seller Updates

Hey ebay! Let this seller give YOU an update.

I hate being forced into 5 day listings.  They suck, and here's why:
I upload my 5 day listing. Potential buyer puts item on watch list. This gives them 5 days to find another item, forget said item, or think over and decide they don't really want it. Since I have had to implement 5 day listings my sales have taken the proverbial dump. I don't like to do buy-it-now because there's too much potential to screw oneself out of extra money garnered from the bidding process.

I also hate that you've eliminated 30 freebie listings. The FVF amounts you would have gotten from whatever freebie listings that sold would have trumped the .30 you got per listing that you will now get, because now I will be selecting very carefully and selling less of my lower end stuff.

Yay! say some people "I am sick of ebay being flooded with cheap crap" This hits people who are looking for parts or accessories to things...now people are not going to want to list that hat to a certain doll, or fence piece from that playset because they don't think it is worth it to blow .30 on listing a $5 thing.

I am gun-shy to list any more suspected non home runs/cheap items (IE under $12). Etsy will get my money for those.

eBay, your company is tanking. Please for-the-love-of-God, get your heads out of your asses!

Buy It Now

I had this message waiting for me in my inbox this morning:

I am interested in the Stangl Magnolia 

Is there any way I can combine several of the listings and pay a buy now price?

Let me know if that is possible.

If I had any idea what to charge for these damned things, I would have charged it and done a fixed price. If I wanted to do a buy-it-now, I would have done so. I was hoping there would be some competition and so these would not go for the start bid, so the start price is a no. I don't want to seem greedy, but I want to get what these fuckin' things are worth, or at least ballpark.

She doesn't tell me which of the lots she even wants, though I am suspecting it's the bowls, because they are rare and they will wind up going for about double when these auctions finally end. I also suspect this has come about because she does not want to wait 4 days for the fuckin things to end, and on that point I don't blame her!

I kind of cringe because she lives in Washington state, and I charge east coast prices for shipping so that west coast people aren't scared off from bidding due to high shipping. Her wanting this shit causes a conundrum for me because for obvious reasons I would prefer someone in say New York/Pennsylvania/Virginia/Maryland/North Carolina...you know, upper-middle EAST COAST to win them because then I won't have to pay out-of-pocket for the shipping cost discrepancy 

I hate HATE the new "seller update" and being pigeonholed into 5 day listings. The stuff sits forever. I liked the 3 day auctions because then I had faster turnover. 5 days sends me to a screeching halt. People stick the shit on their watch list and then forget about it by the time the damned thing ends, not to mention that I've got more inventory sticking around my house for longer periods of time.

Defective

The other day I sent out two clay pots. The less expensive one that already had noted damage (hairline cracks on the lip edge) had a chunk taken out of the lip.

Now seeing as it was stuffed with packing pillows, cushioned with large bubble bubble wrap (twice!) and surrounded by peanuts inside the larger pot, I am unsure how this even happened.

I am pretty sure looking at the location of the damage, that the guy attempted to pull it out before removing the peanuts around it and took a chunk off the lip while doing so because of the pressure put on those aforementioned hairline cracks.

So of course, instead of contacting me via messages, the asshole OPENS A RETURN CASE and requests a partial refund. Why in fuck could he not just send me a message asking for one? I don't give a rat's ass about the fucking $15 I refunded. I do, however, care about my defect rate, which I try to keep as spotless as possible. There was no reason he should have had to open a case!

Now my .42 defect rate is .63. Fucker. I have spent the last several months trying to get it down from the .55 it had climbed to after some bitch opened a case about a stupid Cabbage Patch doll...again, without checking with me to see if I was willing to work with her first! Now I am back to square one. *headdesk*

As Ebay Turns

Had a damned good week. Bought of a load of fishing crap and sold it for uber high prices. Sold some depression glass for about 20 times what I paid for it. My car was running like shit and I ordered a catalytic converter, only to find out that it was a $2 spark plug causing the problem. Canceled my order and saved $160.

Waited then for the other shoe to drop, and like I always expect, ebay never disappoints.

Hello - I received my dishes yesterday - and there were broken items.  The auctions were shipped in 2 boxes - and each box had broken pieces. 
The items that were broken :
Chartreuse Saucer
Chartreuse Salad Plate
Chartreuse Large Platter
Seafoam Salad Plate
Seafoam Dinner Plate
Seafoam Covered Casserole - lid

I was really disappointed - the dishes were in good condition.. and would have been a wonderful addition to my collection.. other than poor packing.
I can return the broken items or send pictures of them... but I would like a refund on those items.

Yes, lady because 30 large pieces of pottery won't ship well in one box, I shipped them in two. I guess somehow that was my first crime.

Then she starts with the "poor packing" accusations. These I HATE with a vengeance. I spent an hour and a half on that packing job. I used brand new packing materials for said job. The box with more stuff in it, was double boxed.

BTW, The other two boxes I sent that day packed the same way (one with a set of 20 pieces inside) somehow arrived safely. How about you get all accusatory with your local postal service, lady? Hmm? Because only your set got damaged. I sent her polite message asking her what she wanted for a refund.

They are always lightning fast to complain, then take forever to answer you when you ask them what it is that they want. I know the bitch will wait to answer me until I am work, where I am offline for 5 hours straight, then get pissed because I didn't refund right away, and pull the "case" trigger on me.

Why was this doll Made in Hong Kong?

You tell me, then we'll both know. I got a question this morning on a doll I am selling.

"I'm very interested In this doll. Why does it say it's manufactured in Hong Kong?"

I simply answer: "That's what it says on the back of the head"

Fuckin' really? Would you like me to try and contact the now-defunct manufacturer and ask them why they made shit in Hong Kong? I looked at the persons feedback left for others and immediately blocked. No fooling around. There's plenty of buyers with an IQ above 70 in the sea.

Auf Wiedersehen

Finally the German asshole returned the plates...with ONE MISSING. Of course.

Argh...then the postal service sent me a notice saying that they received notice that I had gotten the plates returned to me, so now they will not bother with my claim. I lean toward sending them a nasty letter and saying I only got 3 of the 4, but I'd almost rather just let it go and be done with it all. It's the listing that keeps on taking.

I re-sold the 3 of them and recouped my lost $60 shipping. Still uber-pissed about it.

DumbPhone User

Got me another live one. This one apparently uses a "smart"phone for every purchase, yet has no fucking idea how it works. Also, she likes to tell me what I should do. I'd like to tell her to take her fucking figurines and shove them up her ass right about now.

Before auction ended:

Pls confirm..no cracks, crazing, chips, repairs, loss of paint, or fading. Would like to buy lady also but need confirmation on above issues with her too. Ty so much. Enjoy your wkend.

Description read "no cracks or chips, good shape"

Me:
 None of the above. I look things over carefully before I do the write-up and any flaws I find are listed, but I gave them both a second look over. These are in excellent shape. They were very well cared for.

Her:

IG I win pls give shipping discount?

 

I wasn't at the computer so I did not answer that. She bought them anyway. I ran some errands, came back to 3 messages. 

 

1: 

 

Please show free ship on one item and all shipping on other or it will not work. Thank you for combining shipping

2:

There is nothing in my cart????

3:

It says I must pay on eBay web site not eBay mobile I don't have a computer can you help me pay you?

Me:

 I really don't know how that works. I don't have a smart phone at all. I do everything from a desktop computer.

Her:

OK u r PD but u need to issue me a credit through PayPal as I had to pay for them separately with full shipping charges on both. Do you how to issue a credit? If not call PayPal for their help. Pls advise ASAP. Kind you

Okay I need to issue you a credit, even though YOU were the idiot who paid double? (I had done so already, fully expecting her to be a pain in the ass, so I told her so).

Now:

Ty then we are done...enjoy your wkend. PS How can u show item shipped already? Just curious. Thanks for everthing. Your flowers are beautiful what are they?

OMFG, this asshole has over 500 feedback and doesn't know how this shit works? Jesus Fuckin' Christ On A Cracker...though the "kind you" has me thinking that english is not her first language, so I guess I will cut her a little slack.

Heil

The German plates case lives on. Ebay decided in his favor after he uploaded a tracking number on February 15. I still have no plates, and paypal unceremoniously took $204 and gave it to him.

So...again the seller gets screwed. I am out the plates and the $65 shipping.

Conversely, If indeed he did send anything back, he's out whatever he paid to send them back, and if he did send all of them, he's out the merchandise too. If that's so, it was a total dumbass move.

He should have taken my 50% offer. John would have gotten paid, and he would have had two nice plates with half his money back and shipping paid for.

I would not have gotten anything, but my consignor would have gotten something, and my buyer as well. The language barrier was not a factor in this...it was common sense that bit someone on the ass.

Which scenario would you pick?

2 good plates for what you originally paid for them and free shipping.

No plates, out shipping costs.

Agent Dumbass

I sold a 1960's tube of lipstick. Person got it two days ago. Today I get this:

hi
I am not sure if you know but it does not work. I try to find the vintage red lip stick since I am a ww2 re-enactor and new red lip stick does not stay on at all but 50-75 year old mixed with a little Vaseline will stay all day So even when it is gone I still will not be able to put any in the pretty tube. What do you suggest I do?

The ancient lipstick doesn't "work". You are surprised that 50 year old lipstick doesn't "work"? WW2 re-enactor? WTF. Okay Agent Carter, send the fuckin' lipstick back if you're unhappy. Ugh.

The Saga Continues...

So, the saga with the German ass who bought the collector plates a month and a half ago continues. He escalates case on ebay. I respond "Send back plates", and give the address. This was January 26th. He supposedly had 10 days to do it. It has now been 10 days, but since they ruled the case in favor of his moronic ass this morning, he now has 10 MORE and now, even though my return policy states buyer pays return shipping, I am expected to pay for it.

Then right after they rule the case in the "buyer's favor", the asshole e-mails me and asks if he has to send the plates back. *head-fuckin-desk* ASSHOLE. I HAVE TOLD YOU PROBABLY ABOUT 4 TIMES NOW in your own fucking language(!) that you have to send the fuckin' things back!!! You know what? I am done, since you like opening cases and escalating them via ebay, fuck you. Ask them what to do. Not like you'll listen or anything anyway.

Life Hostage

I think one of my biggest problems with ebay besides the one-sided feedback bullshit is the endless chances they give buyers to keep fucking you over.

They hold your stuff hostage, and they hold your money hostage.

Money and stuff being held hostage fuckover example: 
Negotiations with the German ass fell through. He filed the case on the 14th. We are at a stalemate. The money is held hostage by paypal, he holds the plates hostage. The only real loser is me. I am out the money, and out the merchandise.

If, in 19 more days, he hasn't sent back something they close the case, but God only knows who they'll give the money to. So until then, they are going to hold $204 hostage because this schmuck refuses to take a partial refund or send back the shit for a full one. He complained to me that it would cost him $50 to send them back. You'd think he'd say fuck it, send the plates back and at least get something out of it.

Dude, that's my policy! "Send back item within 14 days, buyer pays return shipping" He could save himself some money by just sending back the perfect two. I gave him the option. It's not my damned fault that he decided to buy plates made in Germany from the USA. It's the risk you take. I packed those sons-of-bitches in layers of bubble wrap surrounded by a shit ton of peanuts and reinforced on all edges with double-cardboard and charged him $10 less than I actually paid for shipping. Plus, I did not break them! Why the hell is this bullshit all laid on my doorstep?

Item being held hostage fuckover example:
This past week, I got a lovely 0 feedback deadbeat who hasn't paid yet...Unpaid item will get him tomorrow, but then they give the loser yet another 4 days to waste not paying before they close the case and let me sell the damned doll to someone else...probably at a loss. So this dick has the ability to waste 8 days of my time just by clicking his mouse.

Buyer Beware You Screw Only Yourself When You Open An Ebay Case

The German standoff has had me thinking about ebay cases. He really did shoot himself in the foot when he opened that case with a refusal to return the merch. When you do a preemptive strike by willy-nilly opening a case before contacting a seller, you lose out.

The reason being is now that seller has a defect and a paypal hold and now they're not scared of anything else you might do. You now have no bargaining chips. Their money is gone anyway and so is their rating so they can and will fight the case.

In my case, I am just going to let this asshole sit on the plates refusing to send them back and then just walk off with the money in 20 days. Ebay is already counting it as a defect, and I am out $200 til then too, so fuck him.

Had he contacted me, or had been willing to send back the two undamaged or taken a partial refund for them, we would have both won. I am not an unreasonable person.

I felt the 50% and shipping back was a good deal. Though he ordered 4 plates, he still would have two perfect plates, half his money back and all the shipping back ($65). I would have been left with enough to pay John his half and walked away empty handed.

But he wants all or nothing, and at the rate he's going it seems like he's going for nothing. IF paypal closes the case without refunding him, and I get the money, I still will refund 50% purchase price on principle, because he did order 4 and got 2. Unless he leaves me a negative or neutral before then, then all bets are off.

Hot Live Euro Trash

Worded like this, it sounds more pleasant, like maybe the title of a porno, right? The truth is a bit more sober.

A friend of mine came across a large lot of collector plates and old dolls. Said friend asked me to sell them for him, because he knows these things fell within my wheelhouse of expertise and he knew I'd bleed every last dollar out of them. He bought all these things for $90 total. I sold things for close to $1200...or so I thought. First, I got a psycho bitching about a shoe on a Barbie outfit:

Hi

I received your package
today and I am disappointed.
The dress is very worn at
the bust and is not as blue
as your picture.
Also the other shoe is marked
Hong Kong. This means that
It does not go with this .
I Bought this because I
thought it was a complete
set. ( I had an extra correct
black shoe). I now have to
purchase a pair of black
shoes. I can not return this
because I bought it for my
daughter's upcoming birthday. ( This Wednesday)

Please advise.

Total bullshit. The dress I sent out was nearly mint condition. Dark blue with no holes. I did not examine the shoes closely enough to see what country they were made in because I didn't know how anal-retentive Barbie collectors are. I also loved the "I cannot return this" schtick. Okay lady, you paid $9.50 total WITH the shipping included, meaning you paid like $7. What the fuck do you want? I just said fuck it and refunded her to shut her up already...after I did she said to me she only wanted $5...$5/$7 it's all the same fuckin' thing Jesus. I am out of money no matter what.

Then I send out plates. They were $148 and change. German bidder receives them and then 24 hours later opens a case with no warning, claiming "not as described" because two got damaged in transit. $200+ gets frozen in paypal. I had recently sold a belt for around $50 and since have sold a vase and some toys and my account is still negative. I cannot print shipping from ebay, nor send instant payments or refunds.

Of course this whole thing is MY fault...I obviously run the postal service for both the US and Germany you know. And to top it all off with the proverbial cherry, the asshole opens the case on ebay.de, which would totally screw over your normal everyday American seller because it's in German...this asshole hadn't counted on me being able to read it. But you see, I can.

I used to collect My Little Pony, and I had a lovely German friend who made trades with me frequently and I used to scan ebay.de for rare euro ponies, did a LOT of business there, and have taken a German language course because of those trades and purchases. I did have to use a translator for some stuff because I am rusty.

I respond to him in fluent German via his paypal e-mail address. Bet that shocked his ass...Guten Tag, asshole! (I didn't really say that, but I thought about it, lol) "I wish you had contacted me before opening a case. Please send back the plates for full refund"

He says no, he wants to keep them AND get 100%  refund.

I respond with how about 50% back since two are okay, plus shipping, and you keep them? He says nope, he wants like 85% and shipping.

I say then, how about sending back two undamaged plates and I refund 50% plus shipping? Nope, not having that either. So I stopped all communication with him and now have just left the case standing open 10 days later.

THEN my lovely Italian nutjob starts shit with me.

Hi, the doll is arrived but i noticed that: she has one leg evidently shorter than the other but you didn't that in the description.
Moreover, the other ear has slight green, other thing that you didn't told me...why?

Same day, like 10 minutes later (she likes to bomb with a flurry of messages like 2 or 3 in the space of 15 minutes):

 Hi, summing:
- the doll has one leg shorter than the other
- slight green on the other ear
- the booklet has two pages ripped in the center

Why didn't you tell those things in the description?
Anyway, i was going to put a neutral feedback. If you do not want me to do that, we can reach a compromise: a partial refund.
Let me know.

So she's going extort me now. Special.

My response:

 I took pictures of any ear green I saw, and took pictures of both her legs which were posted on the auction.
I did not notice any difference in the length of the legs.

The booklet was not ripped on any pages when I packed it! I have heard that customs agents can be rough on items. How much of a partial refund do you want?

Her:  

 They are so clearly different....
Also, the left arm is loose when you move it.
I've been collecting dolls for years and this is a real disappointment.
Anyway, i payed 102 USD, without counting the shipment costs obviously, so I'd like to have a 41 USD refund.

Me:

 I have sent the refund, but because it was sent from my bank account, it will take a few days to clear. Please check your paypal account.

Her (like two days later) :

 Hi, the refund has not arrived yet.
Anyway, i found various flaws and holes on the doll's left arm...

By this time I am getting more and more livid, because either she is the most nitpicky bitch on earth, or she's just an extortionist. I report her to ebay for feedback extortion and reply one more time:

 Every time you message me you seem to have a new problem...please just send the doll back to me for a full refund.

I am done with partial refunds. I already sent $41 and it is still processing. It takes 3-5 business days. Please check your paypal account and you will see that a refund is pending.

You can clearly see my frustration in this not-so-professional response, but how much bullshit is a person supposed to put up with? I already refunded her nearly half!  She now has her refund and has not left feedback yet...I am sure it will be a low-star or neg/neut beauty. This whole exchange makes me rethink working with Europeans on anything, but two bad nuts should not ruin it for everyone else, and cut me off from a whole pool of buyers so fuck 'em, moving on.

Most disappointing thing about all this BS is that it wasn't even my stuff again! A couple of years ago I got burned twice with my mother-in-law's plates, negged and lost $80 because of a shipping label snafu, and now I am out over $100 and have a defect because I sold somebody elses shit. From now on I will only sell my own shit and only for over $10. Not fucking worth it.